So I went to the local corner shop, a Londis to be specific to purchase some milk for a cup of tea I had just brewed, I cannot drink my tea without milk of course as I am a man of taste and need the complexities that come with adding cow's tit juice with dirty leaf water and bleached plant granules
Unfortunately when I went there it was nearly midnight, they were low on stock of a few items but the milk was pretty much vacant apart from this one bottle sitting on it's lonesome in the back corner of the fridge (next to a discarded ham sandwich) I picked it up and thought "what the hell, milks milk" but ooh how wrong I was.
Being lucky to be raised in a good household with a loving family I have never had the burden of drinking this foul fucking garbage. So when I got it home I though "hmm why not have a glass and see what it's like" So I proceeded to do so. After having a pretty heavy sample, swishing it in my fat gob to get the flavor and texture I spat it back out violently into the sink when it came to my attention I was probably drinking heavily diluted wallpaper paste.
Okay so it was probably a really stupid idea to drink the "milk" on it's own, it is a last resort kind of drink so I added it to my tea and gave it a stir to mix it in, the tea as you can see in the photo seemed noticeably duller than usual, a little grey where it should be more...well tea brown. I knew it wasn't going to be my normal tea and i felt very guilty for tainting a fine PG Tips tea with this poison but I had to see if the milk was somewhat salvageable.
To your surprise and mine...no it wasn't, I have had some pretty bad teas in my time, once had to spend a week drinking the Tesco's own brand and that requires soaking at least 3 of the little bastards in hot water to garner some semblance of flavour, but this was something else. The "diluted wallpaper paste" stands ever truer to this abomination and so it also went down the drain. Surely this milk had to be made palatable in some way?
I remembered that I had a box of Coco Pops in the cupboard, that shit practically turns your cereal into a chocolate milkshake so I thought "why the hell not" load the fucker up with chocolate and then I could enjoy it and feel like I didn't just waste 50p.
I poured it into a cup because I really didn't fancy a big bowl of the stuff and let it site for a good 3 minutes. As you can see in the photo it's didn't really do much and I was stirring it every now and again. I took a pretty liberal spoonful making sure to get a nice scoop of the milk, a 50/50 heaping, Like a complete fucking idiot I ate it and as you can guess this stuff is literal cancer, my taste buds have probably died on me and I will never again enjoy the pleasures of worldly, exotic flavours again.
Fuck you and anyone who enjoys you, rot in whatever hell exists for foul, evil milk products.
Written By Klayazz
15/08/2012
